In Lieu of Flowers

Today marks the second anniversary since my sister in Christ and precious friend Ruth was laid to rest after she most unexpectedly left this world and entered her heavenly home.  After she was gone I recall how difficult it was to stop calling the quaint ranch down the road “Ruth’s House”.  But the moment her heart stopped was the moment her address changed.  It was a permanent move.  She didn’t have to pack, organize or stress over this relocation – it just happened.  It happens to us all.  Many hope that they know where there will spend eternity but few know for sure.  Ruth knew where she was going, she just didn’t know when.  This confident knowledge came not from the power of her positive thinking or her good works, which were many.  It came because she acknowledged what the masses ignore – her own sinful, hopeless state.  She confessed to the Creator of the Universe that she would never be good enough to grace the streets of gold.  She believed in the Lord Jesus and she was saved!  (Acts 16:31)

 

October 20^th is a reminder that death is a guarantee.  That reality should cause us all to examine what we are doing here on this earth ‘til our time comes.  While Ruth called this world her home she was actively pouring her time and energy into others. 

Death is a guarantee for us all –

Life is not for far too many.

With this reality in mind, Ruth dedicated a chapter of her life to helping the unborn in her community by volunteering at Brephos Pregnancy Center.  She had a heart for single moms and enjoyed serving them.  Today we know this organization as Cornerstone Pregnancy Care Services
 in Gap, Pennsylvania.  Ruth was not one to brag, so I never knew of her involvement in this humble charity until I read her obituary. 

In lieu of flowers
contributions may be made to

Cornerstone Pregnancy Care Services…

Last month I learned that the CPCS would be hosting a 25^th Anniversary Benefit Dinner on the 20^thof October.  I knew right away that I needed to be there focusing on the needs of others instead of replaying the events of two years ago in my mind. 

I was so challenged and encouraged by the Keynote Speaker John Ensor, President of PassionLife, to embrace life.  The thoughts he shared are woven throughout the paragraphs below.  Despite the fact that I’m in the final weeks of carrying my fourth child, I find that my attitude toward life is not always the same as God’s.  When I found out that I was expecting again last spring my first reactions were overwhelming panic at the sickness and discomfort to come.  I am regularly frazzled by the three sons that I already have, what if I have another high energy little boy!?!  My first three children were all about 4 years apart – this was too soon! 

My fears dull in comparison to the women who walk through the doors of an abortion clinic or pregnancy center.  What these organizations do with a woman's fear means life or death for the unborn.  An organization like CPCS will strive to lower the fear and save the baby.  But the local Planned Parenthood seeks to raise the fear for the vulnerable mother to be, that way they can sell more abortions.

Why should this be your problem or mine?

Deliver those who are drawn toward death,

And hold back those stumbling to the slaughter. 

Proverbs 24:11 NKJV

Rescue the weak and the needy;
    deliver them from the hand of the wicked.

Psalm 82:4 NIV

 

God is calling us to a graphic rescue.  What is required of us is nothing new, it is just our turn.  The midwives of Egypt had a similar calling thousands of years ago when  gendercide was ordered by the Pharaoh.  Countless stories have surfaced from the time when the Nazis sought to devour the Jewish people of Europe.   If you feel insignificant in the fight for life than I would read one of these books:

Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed:

The Story of the Village of Le Chambon

and How Goodness Happened There

By:  Philip P. Hallie

Conscience and Courage:

Rescuers of Jews During the Holocaust

By:  Eva Fogelman 

Answering The Call

Saving Innocent Lives One Woman At A Time

By:  John Ensor

Stand for Life:

Answering the Call, Making the Case, Saving Lives

By:  John Ensor and Scott Klusendorf
 

Love requires more than passively ignoring evil.  The Good Samaritan made the problems of a hurt stranger his problems.  As you walk along your path in life what will you do when you see a woman off to the side who is alone, hurting and needs your help?  Will you hold up a Pro-Life Protester Sign or will you bend down to meet the practical needs of the one before you? 

On October 27, 2012, Ruth and her husband planned to host a table at  the CPCS annual banquet.  She was excited to invite her friends and family.  Her season of life did not permit her to serve hands-on at Cornerstone, but she knew that her financial involvement could have an impact.  Her chair sat empty that evening.  Just days before God called her home.  I hope and pray that by writing this her life will still have an impact on such a vital ministry in our community.  Abortion is a global problem that lurks in every small town across our nation.  

If you would like to Make a Difference at CPCS or your local Crisis Pregnancy Center than the time to act is now.  The services provided at these centers are free of charge so your involvement is critical to their future survival.     

In Loving Memory of a devoted Mother.

Pin It

Down Home

As this past winter dragged on and on I found myself filling more of my summer schedule with fun things to do.  It didn't make the snow melt any faster but it gave me some adventures to look forward to. 

So this past spring, while my husband drove a few hours north for his annual military training, I drove many, many hours south down home to North Carolina.  I never lived there, only spent some childhood summers there, but it is still a place to call home, even if I hadn't been there since 1998.  A lot has changed since then - three sons to be exact.  Only a crazy person would take three young kids over 500 miles away on their own - I am that crazy woman!  

To break up the hours in my little Honda we stopped at Luray Caverns in Virginia.  The caverns are 64 acres of beauty that were discovered in 1878. Pictures don't do it justice (especially with my camera).  My boys were in awe of the enormous formations that surrounded them.    

    
After spending the night in Staunton, VA we continued on our way.  I felt such a sense of accomplishment when we finally came up the Ashe County sign - I was home!  

While most kids grew up with their Grandparents across the street or even "over the river and through the woods", I had to cross mountains to see my Great Grandmothers - Granny Annie and Granny Ada.  How I wish they were still here on earth to chat with.  I can still see Granny Annie's hands covered in flour as she made us biscuits and I remember what it felt like to get a hug from my skinny Granny Ada.  My Grannies have been gone for many years but I still have some cousins who I hadn't seen in years and those mountains were calling me.   

Our first stop after crossing the state line was Shatley Springs in Crumpler.   Daniel wasted no time tidying up the porch of our cabin - he was so happy to be out of the car!  This humble dwelling would be our home.   

Shatley Springs is an enchanting place worthy of it's very own blog post (if only I had the time).  It has a rich history going back to 1890 when Martin Shatley was miraculously cured of a skin disease after dipping his hands and face into a cool stream that is now known as Shatley's Springs.  For the full story head over to... http://www.shatleysprings.com/history.htm 

 



If you're ever in the area and want to stop in for a visit - expect amazing food, an abundance of meaningful conversations void of WiFi, TV Screens, music and ringing cell phones.   

After settling in at our little cabin we soon met up with the cousins...  

My cousin Sheryl
and her Mom Jo.



Daniel and his cousin Gage
just a few weeks older than him.

My Cousin Brian & I.









Granny Ada and I.

One place that had really been on my mind to visit was Granny's Ada's home.  Today folks talk about being poor, but it dulls in comparison to the memories I have of Granny's Ada's home.  It was an old shack with electric but no indoor plumbing.  The walls were covered in newspaper and you had to risk meeting a snake if you wanted to use the outhouse.  That is where my Grandfather was raised and I wanted my boys to see this place. 

I was unable to get inside but I managed to stick my arm through the back door to get some pictures of the past.  Things were as I remembered them, except for the collection of trophies that were along one wall.  This puzzled others in the family too, so we assumed that someone simply stored them there after Granny Ada's death, and forgot about them. 

 

 

 

 

We also spent some time over at Granny Annie's old place.  The house is currently being fixed up by my cousin Barb and is being used for storage.  My memories of Granny Annie include Biscuits, Raggedy Ann Dolls (she made several of them for me) and Bread & Butter Pickles.  Perhaps I knew this, but obviously I forgot...Granny Annie once made all the biscuits and cobblers in the kitchen of Shatley Springs.  When I mentioned to Lee McMillan (the owner of Shatley Springs) whose Granddaughter I was he smiled of spoke fondly of Annie and what a wonderful cook she was so many years ago.

Granny Annie and I with my parents, brother and Uncle Steve.

Granny Annie's House

    
It is safe to say that I returned to Pennsylvania more grateful for my own house than when I left.  I hope my children feel the same.  May they never feel sorry for themselves because they don't everything they want.  If only more people could go back in time like we did to see how many folks in this country used to live - not because they were lazy or going through a difficult time but because it was just the way things were back then.  

I look forward to returning one day...

Ruth's Garden

It has been said that "what doesn't kill you will make you stronger".  But I think it would be more accurate to say that "what doesn't kill you will make you numb, weak or broken".  It's been 365 days since that autumn afternoon when I discovered that three Littles didn't have a Mommy anymore.  It's been 52 weeks since I stood there helpless telling the 911 operator that I didn't think my friend was alive.  I've had 12 months to take it all in and become stronger because of it.  But 1 year later I still fight tears during the Sunday worship service, become panicky  when my husband goes away for the weekend and I just become unglued when a thunderstorm rolls in on a Friday night and the electric starts to blink.  It doesn't take much to trigger emotions these days. 

I am not stronger, I am broken. 

I miss my friend.     
 

What was it about Ruth Leatherman that had such a deep impact upon me?  It wasn't her death, it was her life.  For five years she shared her life with me - her ups, her downs and everything in between.  She was genuine without complaining.  She accepted difficulties as a season in life that soon would pass.  I loved our talks.  I'm not a talkative person but the two of us always managed to keep quite the conversation going. 

With Daniel in my arms on Friday night I told Ruth of my bizarre experience just moments after his birth.  I was exhausted, I was delirious and for a moment I saw Ruth standing in the doorway.    I knew she was camping that weekend, but she was in the room with me.  Ruth had been on my mind.  She had called me while I was in labor but things were too intense for a conversation.  Jeremy spoke with her briefly to update her on my status.  Ruth liked to know what was going on.  In realty the person standing in the doorway was my Doula, Mary Ann - a distant cousin of Ruth. 

"Have you ever met her Ruth?"  I asked. 

She said she had not, so I quickly offered to invite them both over one day to meet. 

Then Ruth told of her experience after the birth of each of her children.  She was overwhelmed by it all and the joy of seeing her baby brought her to tears every time.  She told how she just cried and cried after each birth.  She was so happy to bring a life into the world to love and care for.

Two Bible verses come to mind when I think about Ruth:

"...your care for others

is the measure of your greatness." 

Luke 9:48 (TLB)

 

"...through love be servants one to another."

Galatians 5:13 (ASV)  

Ruth was a servant.  She wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty or be inconvenienced.  Her example has inspired me to reach out to others more in the past year.  I sent care packages when I didn't have the time, took meals when I didn't have the energy and made connections with people during their time of need.

 Ruth did a lot of planting in her 31 years.  She always had a vegetable garden in the back yard.  It was hard work but she enjoyed it.  In an effort to minimize the impact of her loss, Ruth's mother Sarah planted and tended Ruth's garden this past summer. To see the children running through the rows brought such joy.   

Just weeks before Ruth went to heaven she purchased some chicks that now provide eggs for the family.  The kids really enjoy them - but those poor chickens!  On several occasions my Jason and Esther locked themselves in the hen house to play Doctor with the chickens - that's what they said.  Like I said, those poor chickens! 

But the planting didn't stop there...

Ruth planted a lot of fruit in her garden -a different garden with eternal value.  She planted the Fruits of the Spirit - Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-Control.  This garden has blossomed with surreal beauty since last October. Because Ruth gave so much of herself while here on this earth an army of people have given of their time, resources and prayers for the Leatherman family. 

Within minutes (yes minutes) of the sad news that Ruth was gone, a neighbor offered some breast milk for Ruby that was in his freezer.  I was still in a state of shock so I don't remember the man's name or why he had breast milk in his freezer but that was just the beginning...breast milk was provided for baby Ruby from three different sources for the next several months.

Within a few hours the food started pouring in.  It started with trays of sandwiches and bottles of water.  Before long the refrigerator was overflowing and stayed that way for months.  God's people really stepped up and took care of the physical needs of the Leatherman family.

Without hesitation Ruth's sister in-law volunteered to homeschool the children for the remainder of the school year.  No easy task, believe me I know. 

Ruth's young neighbor felt led by God to put school on hold for a while and offered to fill in as a Nanny for the children.  She displayed such maturity in the most difficult of circumstances.

The grandmothers went above and beyond this past year.  Nanna and Mom-Mom wiped many tears while drying their own.  The strength of Sarah and Carol could only have come from God.  They selflessly served Mark in his distress.  They reached out to me numerous times and have become close friends.  It is no wonder why Ruth regularly displayed servanthood in her life -she had some great examples.

Before Ruth was taken from her home I asked to see her one last time.  I knelt down on the floor beside her, gently kissed her forehead and said "We'll take care of your babies."  As a mother it was all I could think about and I mourn Ruth's loss of not seeing her children grow.  It was a tremendous effort to fill the huge void that this wife and mother left behind.  If Ruth could see all that has taken place in the past year she would be so grateful to the countless people who held her family together when they felt so broken. 

 

I read an old devotional book called Streams in the Desert 

that belonged to my Grandmother.  God knows what we

need when we need it.  This is what I meditated on just a

few days ago.  May it bring comfort to all who are broken.

 

October 15

"By reason of breakings they purify themselves" (Job 41:25).

God uses most for His glory those people and things which are most perfectly broken. The sacrifices He accepts are broken and contrite hearts. It was the breaking down of Jacob's natural strength at Peniel that got him where God could clothe him with spiritual power. It was breaking the surface of the rock at Horeb, by the stroke of Moses' rod that let out the cool waters to thirsty people.

It was when the 300 elect soldiers under Gideon broke their pitchers, a type of breaking themselves, that the hidden lights shone forth to the consternation of their adversaries. It was when the poor widow broke the seal of the little pot of oil, and poured it forth, that God multiplied it to pay her debts and supply means of support.

It was when Esther risked her life and broke through the rigid etiquette of a heathen court, that she obtained favor to rescue her people from death. It was when Jesus took the five loaves and broke them, that the bread was multiplied in the very act of breaking, sufficient to feed five thousand. It was when Mary broke her beautiful alabaster box, rendering it henceforth useless, that the pent-up perfume filled the house. It was when Jesus allowed His precious body to be broken to pieces by thorns and nails and spear, that His inner life was poured out, like a crystal ocean, for thirsty sinners to drink and live.

It is when a beautiful grain of corn is broken up in the earth by DEATH, that its inner heart sprouts forth and bears hundreds of other grains. And thus, on and on, through all history, and all biography, and all vegetation, and all spiritual life, God must have BROKEN THINGS.

Those who are broken in wealth, and broken in self-will, and broken in their ambitions, and broken in their beautiful ideals, and broken in worldly reputation, and broken in their affections, and broken ofttimes in health; those who are despised and seem utterly forlorn and helpless, the Holy Ghost is seizing upon, and using for God's glory. "The lame take the prey," Isaiah tells us.

O break my heart; but break it as a field

Is by the plough up-broken for the corn;

O break it as the buds, by green leaf seated,

Are, to unloose the golden blossom, torn;

Love would I offer unto Love's great Master,

Set free the odor, break the alabaster.

 

O break my heart; break it victorious God,

That life's eternal well may flash abroad;

O let it break as when the captive trees,

Breaking cold bonds, regain their liberties;

And as thought's sacred grove to life is springing,

Be joys, like birds, their hope, Thy victory singing.

 

-Thomas Toke Bunch

 

 

Pin It

This Little Light of Mine

A few weeks ago I stopped at Fisher's Housewares in Georgetown to pick something up when this miniature oil lamp stopped me in my tracks. Before the tears starting flowing I grabbed it off the shelf and took it to the register to pay. The lamp looked exactly like one that Ruth had burning that Friday night we had no electric - her last night on earth and I got to spend it with her.

I had never spent the night at the Leatherman's before. Girls love slumber parties, but once you get married and start having babies, it's just not practical anymore. But God wanted me there that night and looking back He went to great lengths to ensure my presence at Ruth's house that weekend.

These past few weeks so many things have gone wrong or unexpected. But God's timing and plans are perfect - not mine. I guess you could say it all started with Daniel. My third son was due to be born on October 29th. I'm still certain that my due date was accurate, but he arrived Friday, October 12th instead. I didn't know it at the time, but God was up to something by blessing us early.

Ruth wasted no time coming over to visit me. She sat in my living room Monday night asking what I needed for the baby because she was going shopping. While there she told me that she would be back on Thursday morning around 9:00 to kidnap my boys for a few hours. She was so thoughtful! Just as she promised she was there that morning, not only to pick up the boys, but their bikes. Before going out my door she left a beautiful gift bag with socks and an outfit for Daniel. Ruth spoiled me to say the least!

Soon after they left I went down to my basement and found myself with wet socks. Water was everywhere! My husband Jeremy had just picked up "new" furniture from Craig's List the night before - Panic! Our new loveseat was fine, but the hot water heater was another story. I spent the morning Shop-Vaccing the basement. Ruth was disappointed that I didn't get to rest as planned. My husband Jeremy fixed our hot water problem that night, but hot water heaters have a mind of their own.

Friday came and Daniel was already one week old. Because he was born when my husband was scheduled to serve for the Air Force Reserves, Jeremy was now going to be away the weekend of October 20th. My mother in-law had offered to take my sons Jonathan & Jason, so Jeremy dropped them off at her house on his way to the Air Force Base that Friday afternoon. I didn't get to say goodbye before they all left because the week had really caught up with me - instead I took a nice long nap.

I woke to the sound of a quiet house and looked forward to some quality time with just me and my new baby. Jeremy had left a note on the kitchen table - No hot water again :( Oh well. I would spend the weekend using paper plates and just shower at my in-laws when I picked up my boys. The evening was spent enjoying a meal brought by a friend and blogging on my first week with Daniel. No sooner had I published my latest thoughts when the electric went out. My quiet evening got too quiet and oh sooo dark. I looked out the window and it seemed that no one had electric for miles! Call it emotions, hormones or just being a scardy cat - but I did not like being in a dark house alone with a newborn. I was certain that someone was going to jump out of nowhere and get me!

Ruth called at 9:17 pm. It was so good to hear her voice. She had just returned from grocery shopping and found that she too was out of power. She asked if I knew what was going on. I had just gotten off the phone with our electric supplier and they were estimating power to be on again by 10:30. "I don't like being here by myself" I told Ruth. Without hesitation she invited me to come down to her house until the lights came back on. I grabbed my baby and diaper bag and quickly headed out the door.

Ruth greeted me at my car with a flashlight and took Daniel out of the backseat for me. "Wow! I forgot how light these car seats are with a newborn." She told me. We went inside leaving the noise of neighborhood generators behind us. Her house was dimly lit with some candles and oil lamps. Her and Mark were working on some flashlights at the kitchen table. Plastic bags of groceries lay on the floor from the shopping trip she had just returned from. Little Baby Ruby sat nestled amongst them all having a glorious time playing with them and making all kinds of noise. Mark soon went to bed since he had to work the next day while Ruth and I sat in the Living Room waiting for the electric.

Had I known this was going to be my very last time with Ruth I would have told her how much she had meant to me these past five years. The circumstances surrounding our move to Christiana were very difficult, but our instant friendship with The Leatherman Family just made us feel at home.

I was expecting my second child when we moved in just down the road. One day Ruth found a sitter for little Baby Esther and walked right up to my house with a paint brush to help me get the baby's room ready. The green paint could really use a fresh coat these days, but knowing it was Ruth who helped me, I think I'll let it go for awhile.

 

My 30th Birthday was just a few weeks
after my husband left for boot camp. 
Ruth threw a surprise celebration for me.

When my husband was away for nine months with the Air Force...well I don't think I would have made it without Mark & Ruth down the road. No sooner had my husband left and our truck wouldn't start, Mark was there within minutes to help. That summer he pulled leaves out of the gas tank of our lawn mower that wouldn't start (yes my kids put leaves in the gas tank, they thought they were helping). Ruth faithfully had us over to dinner to give me a break from cooking and get me out of the house.   

I went right to Ruth’s house the morning I found out my Mom had cancer. Crying in her driveway didn't change the situation, but it made me feel better knowing that Ruth was going to be in prayer for her. Ruth always asked about my Mom and if I had talked to her lately, in fact she asked about her that candlelit Friday night.

Some have asked what we talked about that evening. I've done my best to write down everything that I can remember, but I'm sure I'll leave something out. But I can say for sure that she was happy that night. Ruth complained of nothing and was content with life.

Before we settled down in the living room Ruth, as always, asked if I wanted tea - Mother's Milk Tea to be exact. I declined, knowing that I had plenty of milk for my little guy. "Maybe next time" I told her. That's when she told me how much she had been enjoying the Teavana® Loose Leaf Teas. The regular tea bags no longer tasted that good to her. She knew that they were more expensive, but Mark had his Starbucks, so she could have her tea.

She then picked up Ruby and we sat across from each other nursing our babies. Ruby was really active that night and didn't nurse for very long. "I forgot how long it takes to feed infants" Ruth told me. Then she said how Ruby was mad at her a few days prior while nursing. If you're a Mom, you know that's a bad combination.

Ruth always had the scoop on local happenings since her parents work at a local fire company. She had just found out there had been tornadoes in the area and that is why we had lost electric. A pavilion had collapsed at Paradise Park, but fortunately no one was killed.

That's when we started talking about the three television sets that her brother Amos had lost since he and his new bride Valerie moved in down the road. All of them had been fried from the electric and we chuckled because we figured #4 was toasting as we spoke with the power problems.  She knew that Val & Amos were at a wedding that night.   Since they were celebrating in a barn, Amos didn't think it was safe to stay with the storm, so they were leaving.

We talked about homeschooling and it was going well for both of us.

"Do you think you'll have more kids?" she asked. And we both said we wanted more.

Ruth talked about maybe getting a trampoline for Esther. I told her about a set up I had seen on Pinterest where you dig a hole to put the trampoline in so that it is level with the ground. She thought that was a neat idea.

I told her that I had planned on having combination birthday parties for my sons Jonathan & Daniel since their birthdays are only five days apart. Ruth said that she was definitely going to combine Ruby's birthday celebration with New Year's in just a few short months.

I asked Ruth about our friend Amanda as I often do. She had watched her son Jackson that day so Amanda and her husband could go to C.H.O.P. (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia) to get more information about their unborn child. Ruth didn't know how the appointment went yet, but was curious to find out. Ruth loved Amanda dearly and wanted so bad to take her burdens away for her.

While talking about life it suddenly occurred to Ruth that she forgot to buy a tomato for Mark's sandwich for his lunch the next day. I always admired how Ruth supported Mark. When I thought about complaining about my husband's many hours away from home I remembered that Ruth was right down the road being supportive of Mark's long and sometimes unpredictable schedule.

10:30 had come and gone. I called PP&L several times for an update on the power outage without success. Ruth called as well and the recording now said that the power would be restored at 1:00 am. "Why don't you spend the night?" Ruth asked. When I agreed she also said that I was more than welcome to use their shower when the power returned. Not wanting to impose I didn't give her a straight answer about it. She showed me down the hall where Daniel and I would share a room with her children Esther and Isaac who slept on the floor.

We said goodnight to each other.

I had just fallen asleep  when a fan came on in the bedroom. Later Ruth quietly came into the room to put out the small oil lamp that burned on the dresser.

After I fed Daniel that morning at 5:30 he needed a diaper change, which meant lots of screaming! So I thought it would be best to head home. I was ready to start the day anyhow and I knew Ruth liked to sleep in. After Daniel was snug in his car seat I found a notepad and left a message for Ruth on the kitchen table.


Ruth,
I'll take you up on that shower. Give me a call when you wake up.
♥ 
Dawn

I didn’t expect to hear from Ruth until 9:00 or 9:30 so I spent the morning working on birth announcements and catching up on laundry.  It was such a beautiful morning and as time went on I thought how Ruth was really missing out on it by sleeping in.  It was 10:00 when I gave her a call to see if I could come down for a shower.  No answer, but she called right back, only it was Esther on the line, not Ruth.  We chatted for two minutes, about what I can’t remember.  I asked if I could talk to her Mommy.  “Mommy is still sleeping and I can’t wake her up.  You can call back later.”  Esther sounded like her normal happy self, so I didn’t think anything was wrong. 

Not wanting to disturb Ruth’s Saturday of sleeping in, I decided to boil some water to take a bath.  After Daniel had another nap and feeding I called Ruth’s cell phone again – no answer.  Perhaps she didn’t see my note?  So it was a little after noon that I put Daniel in the car and my cell phone in my back pocket to go check on Ruth really quick. 

No answer at the door.  Her neighbor was out washing his camper, “Hey John, have you seen Ruth?”  He hadn’t, but was pretty sure he had heard the kids out back.  He stopped what he was doing and we went over to where Esther and Isaac were playing with the chickens.  It was chilly outside, but Isaac was wearing shorts and flip-flops.  So I asked Esther where her Mommy was.  “Still sleeping” she said.  So I told Esther to show me where her Mommy was and as we walked back to the house John told me to let him know if I needed anything.

The moment I walked in the house I could hear Ruby screaming.  Something was wrong.  She was sitting on top of the nightstand next to her Mommy who was peacefully lying in bed. 

“RUTH!  RUTH!”

It still amazes me how I was able to hold it together enough to communicate with the 9-1-1 operator.  God gave me strength for the moment.  There is no other explanation.  Knowing how physically and mentally incapable I was of performing CPR I ran up the stairs past Esther and out the door to scream for John.  I think we both knew she was gone but we had to try, we had to do something.  John’s wife Jill came over right away to tend to the children.  I reluctantly called Mark and told him to head home right away with little explanation.

It seemed like such a long time, but the ambulance came in just five minutes.  No sooner had they arrived when Amanda rushed through the door.  Just one week before Amanda and I clung to each other as new life entered into this world.  Now we didn’t even have the strength to stand as the medic came up the steps and told us that there was nothing they could do, Ruth had passed.  It was incomprehensible.  My mind instantly went back to that 10:00 am phone call I had with Esther.  Why didn’t I come sooner?  It was little comfort, but we were told that she had been gone several hours.

The rest of the day was a haze of grief that I can only remember bits and pieces of.  Ruth’s glasses sat on top of the piano.  The milk was on the kitchen table because the children had gotten their own breakfast.  Next to it was the note I had left for Ruth the night before, scribbled upon by one of the kids.  The neighbors just asked where my diaper bag was and took care of my baby for the entire day as I wept and tried to take in all that had happened. 

I struggled with a lot those next few days.  Ruth had done so much for me over the years but when she needed me most I couldn’t do anything to help her.  I should have stayed that morning, I should have come sooner.  Unnecessary regrets flooded my mind.    

The mind is a battlefield that Satan tries to claim ground in.  I try to focus on what is true and not the lies that the devil would have me to believe.  Ruth had an unknown heart defect that quietly took her life.  There is nothing that anyone could have done. 

To this day friends continue to reach out to me with words of encouragement and acts of kindness.  I am so grateful for it all, especially the prayer.  Yes, I have been on a “roller coaster” as so many have put it.  But God strapped me in tight and sat next to me for all the ups and downs.  I had such peace in the days that followed in regard to my part in all that had taken place.

“...My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made

perfect in weakness.

Therefore I will boast all the

more gladly about my weaknesses,

so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

It is pretty safe to save that a woman is perhaps at her weakest moment in life just after the birth of a child – both physically and emotionally.  Shortly after Daniel was born my husband went out the door for a quick errand, he was gone maybe an hour.  I cried for the first 30 minutes.  So, why in the world did God choose me, someone with an eight day old baby to carry such a heavy load that weekend?

“But God chose the foolish things

of the world to shame the wise;

God chose the weak things

of the world to shame the strong.”

1 Corinthians 1:27

It has been an entire month without my dear friend just down the road. As I watch the news these days I can’t help but think that Ruth just went a little ahead of us because Christ will soon be returning. Perhaps she is on the Pearly Gate Welcoming Committee or planting flowers amongst the mansions. Silly thoughts I know, but they get me through the day.

 

The past month has been even harder on Ruth’s family.  Her husband Mark is without his bride.  Esther, Isaac and Ruby are without their Mommy.  Thanksgiving and Christmas will be void of the laughter Ruth always brought to the table.  If you feel led to help, Mark’s employer and our church have set up The Leatherman Family Fund to help them out during this difficult time.  Tax deductable donations can be sent to:

 

Calvary Monument Bible Church

1660 Mine Road

Paradise, PA. 17562